Heir to the Pwn ((Cai/Pretty Poison))

[Pretty Poison]

“Give.... us.... the ring,” the pygmies howled in unison, their hollow voices swirling around the little group like a tornado, as they regrouped for a fresh assault. “The King requires the ring. Give it to usssssss....”

"Uh, they must be talking to you, Pretty," Cai shrugged, slicing a low arc that shred three pygmies simultaneously. Another tree child leapt through the dust and bit into Cai's shoulder, taking free a large chunk of flesh. With his free hand, Cai whipped Ice out and blasted a hole into the back of it's head, continuing his line of fire on another that was preparing to drop on Xena. "I never really liked it enough to put it a ring on it."

Pretty vanished into thin air, and then reappeared behind the small throng of pygmies who had been assailing her, twirling her katana and gleefully slashing them into dust. “A strange custom, one I do not fully understand. A Word Lord does not require a ring to denote bonding. I wear Nobody No-one's name, inscribed upon my avatar. It is enough.”

As if to emphasise her comment, a golden shimmer rippled through her body, the black leather she wore fading into evanescence. Sure enough, down her left arm, larger and more ornate than any of the other millions of tiny words that formed her flesh, the name 'Nobody' glowed. On her right arm, there shone the word corresponding word 'No-one'.

"The ring..." [The pygmies] continued chanting in unison, the same dulcet tone echoing from every mouth at once. "The ring... The ring..."

“Foolish creatures,” Pretty said, carving up another dozen or so. “Perhaps being dead has addled their minds.”

She was enjoying herself. There was nothing she liked better than a good fight, and sharing one with Cai was even more exhilarating. She had yet to meet a matter creature who could best him when it came to both skill and technique, and his unpredictable nature meant that he never did anything his opponents expected him to do. It always made for an excellent skirmish.

Xoannon, on the other hand, didn't appear to be having quite so much fun.

Screaming in overwhelming fear, the prince threw down his branch and ripped a ring from his finger. "Take it, take it! Leave me be and take this retched thing to your king!" He threw the ring on the ground, shaking visibly.

Pretty's eyes riveted on the tiny circlet of gold. So this was the ring the pygmies were baying for.  There was nothing visibly special about it – it appeared to be a ring like any other, albeit one studded with precious jewels, and therefore probably very valuable by matter creature standards. However, it was not the gaudy glitter of the gems that called to her, but the story of the ring itself. It was ancient, and it sang of the rise and fall of countless kingdoms.  It made her want to take it and slip it on, just so that she could hear the song more clearly.

Cai cursed under his breath and somersaulted over Pretty's head as four of the tree children rushed the prince, fangs bared and ready to sink into his flesh. The mercenary cut two in mid-air as he flipped upside down, landed nimbly on the rock next to the prince and in lightning strikes he cut the on-rushers. One of the pygmies had already grabbed the ring, however, and was leaping through the air toward the trees over their heads to flee. It caught a bullet in the head and the ring dropped in a cloud of ashen dust back into Xena's lap as he quivered on the stone.

"Pick it up."

Having come so close to possessing the object of their desire, the pygmies went wild. Without any care for their own self-preservation, they piled forward, doing their best to overwhelm the defenders with the sheer weight of their numbers. The katana in Pretty's hands changed instantly into a quarterstaff, much more useful at such close quarters against the determined zombie corpses. Viciously, she laid about her, dodging back and forth so smoothly and quickly that she seemed more like a shadow than a woman. Dozens of zombies fell before they could come within fighting distance of the prince. Exploding into showers of dust, they were trampled underfoot, their stories destroyed and forgotten. When it came to battle, a Word Lord had no honour, no code. All that mattered was to win.

The prince looked up at Cai, eyes bulging. "B-b-but they-"

"Pick it up," he answered calmly. "Put it back on your hand. Get up now, and fight. If you don't, they will eat you, and I will let them."

The Children of the Trees circled around them and Pretty, gathering their numbers, preparing to make another push. "The ring... Give us... The Ring... The Ring..."

Cai pulled Fire from its holster and dropped in the prince's lap, next to the ring. "Make your choice."

Shuddering, Xoannon looked back and forth between Cai and the ravening zombies, evidently trying to figure out which outcome he feared most. Childish tears poured down his scratched and dirty face, as in the end, he shoved the ring back on to his finger and with shaking hands, picked up the gun.

“All right, all right, damn you to hell, I'll do it!” he sobbed, raising the weapon. “I'll fight!”

A loud shot rang out, then another, as he pulled haphazardly on the hair-trigger. Embroiled in the midst of the battle, Pretty felt a bullet tear into her body and pass through to the other side, and took the time to aim a scowl in the Prince's direction.

“Not me, you idiot!” she said crossly, annoyed at his clumsiness, as she hammered in several more blows for good measure. “THEM!”

[Cai Dorough]

A loud shot rang out, then another, as he pulled haphazardly on the hair-trigger. Embroiled in the midst of the battle, Pretty felt a bullet tear into her body and pass through to the other side, and took the time to aim a scowl in the Prince's direction.

“Not me, you idiot!” she said crossly, annoyed at his clumsiness, as she hammered in several more blows for good measure. “THEM!”

Cai rolled his eyes at Xena and pulled Fire's sister, Ice, and fired six successive shots, each killing one of the pygmies nearest to Pretty. "Like this, moron, put the little dot here over the back side here, then aim it at the bad guys." He handed an extra clip to the prince and hopped off the rock.

"Bring it on, you damn dirty ape-ish things! I'll go Charlton Heston all over your bony backsides and find some really mean dogs to mop up after I'm done turning you all to kindling. Also, your mothers were hamsters and your fathers smelt of elderberries!"

Cai held Furor at the ready. It warmed in his hand, eager and hungry, but none of the Children moved any closer. Either they had grown wary of his sword's merciless fury and Pretty's deadly skills, or they were unsure of what to do. They chattered noisily in a broken, clipped language that hurt his ears to hear. Some convulsed uncontrollably. Some of them bounced their heads against each other as if their skulls had been infested with bees.

"Um, what did I say?" He looked to Pretty for answers but none were forthcoming. Xena seemed to be at a loss as well, eyeing the mass of crazed zombie pygmies with distaste and confusion. "You know, the locals here are all insane. Zombie scarin, rock worshipping, lettin dogs lick their hands at the dinner table feeding me orange goo and vegetables like I'm a turtle- aww, Edgar, I miss Edgar- oh right, right. Fraking crazy, all of you!" He picked up one of the chattering Children as it convulsed and shook it angrily. "What the hell are you doin? I was trying to slaughter you, helloooooooooo!" He tossed the pygmy away like so much garbage. "This isn't even funny. And you can't spell slaughter without laughter. Ask Pretty, she knows all the words."

[Pretty Poison]

Cai held Furor at the ready. It warmed in his hand, eager and hungry, but none of the Children moved any closer. Either they had grown wary of his sword's merciless fury and Pretty's deadly skills, or they were unsure of what to do. They chattered noisily in a broken, clipped language that hurt his ears to hear. Some convulsed uncontrollably. Some of them bounced their heads against each other as if their skulls had been infested with bees.

"Um, what did I say?" [Cai] looked to Pretty for answers but none were forthcoming.

The Word Lady shrugged, her electric blue eyes scanning back and forth across the clearing, now a battlefield. There was no doubt that the pygmy warriors seemed uncertain and nervous. It was almost as if they had ceased their attack because they were expecting something else to happen.

Xena seemed to be at a loss as well, eyeing the mass of crazed zombie pygmies with distaste and confusion. "You know, the locals here are all insane. Zombie scarin, rock worshipping, lettin dogs lick their hands at the dinner table feeding me orange goo and vegetables like I'm a turtle- aww, Edgar, I miss Edgar- oh right, right. Fraking crazy, all of you!" He picked up one of the chattering Children as it convulsed and shook it angrily. "What the hell are you doin? I was trying to slaughter you, helloooooooooo!" He tossed the pygmy away like so much garbage. "This isn't even funny. And you can't spell slaughter without laughter. Ask Pretty, she knows all the words."

A deep, dark rumble shook the ground beneath their feet.

“Right now, the word 'earthquake' is the first one that comes to mind,” Pretty quipped, shifting her feet to steady her balance. Was this what the pygmies were waiting for? Had they sensed movement in the tectonic plates far below? Did they think this would somehow give them an advantage?

“An earthquake?” the Prince squeaked in alarm, his panic almost palpable. “That's it, we have to get out of here. I insist you take me back to the palace, right now! I'm the new ruler of this planet, I can't be out here in the middle of an earthquake.”

Suddenly, all the pygmies began keening in unison, the sound high and spine-chilling and unearthly. The tiny warrior that Cai had just tossed away emerged from the bushes, righting himself, fixing the three companions with an eyeless stare.

“The King,” it announced shrilly, its voice laden with an edge of triumph which was almost indistinguishable from fear. Writhing in what appeared to be both pain and ecstasy, the other pygmies moaned even louder, the awful chorus draining any colour that was left from Xoannon's cheeks. “The King is coming.”

A bony finger was pointed at the Prince, quivering with outrage. “The ancestor of that one stole the last fragment of the Dark Soul from us.  In his arrogance, he claimed that his theft gave him the right to rule.  For centuries, sealed within a ring, it was secreted within the human's edifice of stone, where we could not pursue it. But now... now this fool has returned the ring to the forest. The King comes to claim his prize and with it, his rightful inheritance. He will slaughter you all - all the filthy humankind who infest our lands -  and then... he will be reborn.”

Another huge quake hit the clearing, splitting the earth like an over-ripe melon. Nimbly, Pretty stepped to one side, as the ground heaved and shook, and the enormous crack zig-zagged towards her. It dawned on her suddenly that this was much more than a simple earthquake. There was something moving down there, pushing through the dirt and rocks, scrabbling for purchase. At first, staring intently, she thought she could see several fat, white grubs, writhing obscenely, in the depths of the crack. But then she realised that there were five of them, and they were not grubs at all, but four giant fingers and an enormous stubby thumb, attached to a powerful hand, thrusting upwards into the light.

[Cai Dorough]

"Wait wait wait wait," Cai interjected, smacking one of the pygmies into a tree haphazardly. "I've seen this in a movie. Isn't there supposed to be a skeleton dude running around dressed like Santa while Mr. Bag-o-Bugs down there laughs evilly? Whose in charge of this script?! I'm calling my union, and I wanna speak with the writers, this is hooey."

A bony finger was pointed at the Prince, quivering with outrage. “The ancestor of that one stole the last fragment of the Dark Soul from us. In his arrogance, he claimed that his theft gave him the right to rule. For centuries, sealed within a ring, it was secreted within the human's edifice of stone, where we could not pursue it. But now... now this fool has returned the ring to the forest. The King comes to claim his prize and with it, his rightful inheritance. He will slaughter you all - all the filthy humankind who infest our lands - and then... he will be reborn.”

The mercenary squinted at the ring on the prince's finger. He hadn't noticed it at first, but it did seem to emanate a new energy, surrounded by the Children of the Trees as such, as if the power that had created them resounded with the ring of like to an echo. The Children, in response, began chattering and chanting anew, howling with either delight or madness at the arrival of whatever it was trying to crawl its way out of the dirt.

"He comes... he comes... he come... he comes..."

"Okay, gotcha. Ring in forest, bad; ring out of forest, you're all just yelling at thin air. Sooooooooo, not that its important or anything, but do you think ol' kingly dirt napper down there can wear the ring without any fingers? I'm asking for a friend."

Faster than the Children could howl in terror, Cai crossed the distance from the boulder to the split in the earth, Furor flaring with enough energy that it seemed to drink the water from the air and explode in a flash of light. The air cut so cleanly it seared a shrill cry in the wind as it came down in a powerful arc, freeing the tips of all five fingers from the grasping hand, pasty digits crumbling to dust as they hit the forest floor. Blood like tree sap and despair flowed from the stunted hand as whatever was attached to the pasty body howled through the earth in fell ire. The pygmies all, poised in mid-dance and cheer, echoed their master's bellow as they rolled to the ground, seizing and clutching at their heads.

"Cheese it!" Cai picked up the prince and shoved him forward, leaving the writhing Children behind. The mercenary called out tauntingly as they left, "Hive minds suck when your prey won't sit still, just saying! Toodles!"

[Pretty Poison]

The eerie howl that filled the air after Furor sliced downwards was loud enough to split a planet in half. It was painful enough to make even Pretty wince. The pygmies were ululating in distress, rolling on the ground and shrieking, as if they'd been mortally injured.

However, whatever it was below the earth had not given up. The injured hand drew back, shocked by the unexpected assault, giving them a few moments of respite. Then, the rumbling and shaking beneath them began again, with renewed ferocity. The area of the quake was increasing, like ripples spreading across a pond.

“Whatever this monster is, you have angered it,” Pretty remarked, dropping to a cat-like crouch. “I think the rest of it is coming through.”

"Cheese it!" Cai picked up the prince and shoved him forward, leaving the writhing Children behind. The mercenary called out tauntingly as they left, "Hive minds suck when your prey won't sit still, just saying! Toodles!"

Leaving the safety of the Prince in Cai's capable hands, Pretty brought up the rear, making herself ready to defend their backs from whatever was coming. Xoannon was nearly hysterical, his breath coming in great, panting gasps, tears pouring from his eyes as he blubbered indecipherable words that none of them could understand. He stumbled along, not looking where he was going and hardly able to keep himself upright without Cai's support.

“The caves!” Pretty shouted the suggestion to Cai as they ran. “The entrance is just west of here. We can take shelter in the depths!”

Behind them, the hole left when the giant hand had first emerged was now widening. The edges were crumbling away, dirt and bushes sliding and cascading into the gap, as the earth tore itself asunder. Dozens of pygmies fell screaming to their deaths, scrabbling uselessly for a handhold, sucked down by the hungry abyss. Overhead, thunder and lighting roared, bright light flashing surreally amidst the dripping trees.

Looking over her shoulder, Pretty saw a vast head, as pale and bald as an egg, forcing its way upwards through the fractured earth. It was beyond ugly, probably the ugliest thing she had ever seen, and in this matter universe, that was saying something. Its skin was mottled with decay, like a corpse that had been buried too long, and its sunken eyes burned with red fire. Huge batlike ears jutted from the sides of its head, and sharp, elongated fangs protruded from the dark, ragged hole that was its mouth.

Its malefic gaze was fixed on the fleeing companions, zeroing in on the Prince and the ring he still wore, as if the stone was a magnet, drawing him from his resting place.  In response, the ring was beginning to glow, like a tiny flame dancing on the Prince's finger.

Throwing back its head, the creature howled into the stormy sky, two words emerging from its throat and seeming to darken the very air with lust.

“DARK SOOOOOOOOUL!”

[Cai Dorough]

"Don't gotta tell me twice!" Cai hurried along, keeping the prince in front of him to make sure his pace did not wane, catching him by the arm whenever he might stumble and shoving him forth. The caves opened up in caliginous gloom ahead of them as behind there echoed a shrill chorus of pygmies, followed by the bellowing roar of their lord.

“DARK SOOOOOOOOUL!”

The cry from the demon shook the ground beneath them and cut the air like a cold knife. The prince faltered and stopped in his tracks, but Cai grabbed the quivering lump and slung him inside the entrance like a rag doll. "Pretty! Inside!"

Cai waited for her to pass him and followed after closely. The footsteps of the demon followed them with thundering clash. Cai sliced a few pygmies that had rushed ahead, leaving clouds of dust in the wake as he too dove inside the caverns. Several more of the Children came close behind, chasing after the trio.

"Here's hoping we don't all get buried in here. Come on Sparky, do yo thang." Cai's left hand glowed with a blinding light as he charged his glove, then unleashed the shear wave of electromagnetic energy against the cavern entrance walls and ceiling. Tons of stone came crashing down, crushing the pygmies that had gotten to close. Everything was shrouded in a cloud of dust, making it impossible to see, and Cai's eyes flared in a light purple glow.

"Ah! Demon!" The prince shrieked and scuttled away from Cai, shaking in fear amidst his coughing. His eyes were wide and his voice hoarse; he must have swallowed a fair amount of rock dust.

Cai shrugged and looked around. The caves delved deeper into the mountainside, expanding into the darkness out of sight. Pretty seemed unruffled as always, the dust int he air never coming close to landing on her in spite of it clouding the entire area. The prince and he, however, were completely covered in it from head to toe.

"Its not a demon, idiot, its just me." Cai yanked the boy to his feet. His hands still clutched Cai's gun with white knuckles, which was a good thing. "Though if you like I can leave you here for the actual demon outside. Hey Pretty, we're gonna need to find our way through here, see if we can locate another entrance."

"Its so dark in here, Dorough," complained the prince, "how are we supposed to find anything in here?! I can't see a thing! Why are your eyes glowing? How can you see in the darkness!"

"Stop saying 'dark' you dolt," Cai reprimanded, glancing over at Pretty. "I'll go first, I can see pretty well in here, you bring up Xena a few steps behind."

"I'm not going anywhere in this cave, captain! Find me a lamp, I can't see anything in this darkness!"

Cai slapped the prince in the back of the head. "Just stop talking. Think positive thoughts. Like Pretty not killing you when I'm not looking. Let's go."

[Pretty Poison]

Pretty didn't much like caves. She didn't need to breathe, so the lack of air wasn't a problem. And darkness meant no more to her than light, so it wasn't that, either. It was more the enclosed feeling that bothered her. The sensation of being trapped. Which was probably also silly, since she could power through a rock wall with her fist, if she so chose. Or maybe it was the dankness of the underground chambers, or the constant, irritating sound of dripping water off into the distance, she couldn't tell. Either way, she wasn't best pleased to be stuck down here, and she couldn't quite decide whether she should blame the ravening demon outside or the petulant prince they were supposed to be protecting.

Sadly for the prince, he was the closest. And whatever the ring was that the boy wore on his finger, it was apparently the reason the Forest Children had forced them inside this unpleasant place.

"I'm not going anywhere in this cave, captain! Find me a lamp, I can't see anything in this darkness!"

Cai slapped the prince in the back of the head. "Just stop talking. Think positive thoughts. Like Pretty not killing you when I'm not looking. Let's go."

As the mercenary turned to lead the way deeper into the cave, Xoannon turned furiously to Pretty, his mouth already opening on a new litany of complaints. However, before he could voice any of them, Pretty gave him a tight smile, then punched him full in the face. The prince's eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped to the ground like a felled ox.

Already feeling much more cheerful, Pretty stooped down, lifted the boy's inert body, and slung it over her shoulder. When Cai turned back to see what had happened, she raised her eyebrows at him, confident that his purple gaze would see her expression in the dark.

“What? I didn't kill him,” she said innocently.  “That is positive, is it not?”

[Cai Dorough]

As the mercenary turned to lead the way deeper into the cave, Xoannon turned furiously to Pretty, his mouth already opening on a new litany of complaints. However, before he could voice any of them, Pretty gave him a tight smile, then punched him full in the face. The prince's eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped to the ground like a felled ox.

Already feeling much more cheerful, Pretty stooped down, lifted the boy's inert body, and slung it over her shoulder. When Cai turned back to see what had happened, she raised her eyebrows at him, confident that his purple gaze would see her expression in the dark.

“What? I didn't kill him,” she said innocently. “That is positive, is it not?”

Cai shrugged, retrieved his gun from the unconscious prince, and returned to navigating the area. Honestly, it was probably better Xena was unconscious for a bit. His constant rambling was beginning to make Cai want to test his durability with knives. Plus, as far as he could tell, the prince was human and had not really slept well since he'd run away from the palace. He wasn't going to be able to remain awake as Cai or Pretty could, and that seemed to exacerbate the situation.

The cave sloped down steeply, the rough tunnel made slippery by damp air and moss. The floor was uneven, which made it difficult to pick a good path down, but the mercenary managed without much undue effort. Pretty sauntered down beside him as if "slippery floors" was a mortal term she hadn't deigned to learn. Her assumed she was able to see fine in the caves as she never faltered their path. Odd lichen coated the walls in patches, emanating a strange hum as if in chorus, timing their steps the deeper and deeper they delved.

Eventually the downward path leveled off and the floors became slightly less mossy, if slightly more wet. The air had gradually become more humid and there was a distinct scent of stagnation permeating the tunnels, like a refrigerator leaking. Though he could see nothing yet, Cai could hear faint sounds of skittering somewhere in the darkness. He kept his gun at the ready, just in case.

"So what do you think this ring is?" Pretty still had Xena slung over one shoulder, gripping the boy's leg in one hand as if carrying a sack of potatoes. "Worth something to someone, it seems. Or whatever that fat albino baby gorilla was. Which, now that I think about it, going underground to escape the thing crawling out of the ground, probably not my best idea, but hind sight is twenty/twenty and all. But for realsies, theres a whole buncha people looking to off this kid lately, ain't it? Not that I can blame them, really, but maybe we shouldn't be fighting all of them so hard, is all I'm sayin."

[Pretty Poison]

"So what do you think this ring is?" Pretty still had Xena slung over one shoulder, gripping the boy's leg in one hand as if carrying a sack of potatoes. "Worth something to someone, it seems. Or whatever that fat albino baby gorilla was. Which, now that I think about it, going underground to escape the thing crawling out of the ground, probably not my best idea, but hind sight is twenty/twenty and all."

"The annoying pygmy with the loud voice said that it was the last fragment of the Dark Soul. I do not know what that means,” Pretty replied. “But the ring is old. Much older than this planet, even. Who knows when it came here? The people of this prince appear to have incorporated it into their coronation rituals.” She poked Xoannon sharply in the ribs, but got no response. He was still out cold. “Perhaps we should have asked him before I hit him. Although, he is so stupid, I expect it would have been a useless exercise.”

“But for realsies, theres a whole buncha people looking to off this kid lately, ain't it? Not that I can blame them, really, but maybe we shouldn't be fighting all of them so hard, is all I'm sayin."

“I have no attachment to him, I can assure you,” Pretty replied, with an elegant little sniff of disdain. “He would be no loss to this universe or any other. However, if we allow him to be killed, you will not get your money. And you have your reputation as a mercenary to think of.”

“Indeed, he does,” a smooth, velvety voice said unexpectedly out of the darkness, with a chuckle of taunting amusement. “Ironic, is it not? You've been paid to protect him, I've been paid to kill him. Such a lot of fuss over one spoilt and unpleasant boy.”

The source of the voice was impossible to pinpoint, even for Pretty's preternatural hearing, the sound bouncing back and forth inside the cavernous tunnels, echoing all around them.

“So which of us is the best, do you think, Dorough? Which of us is going to win this little contest?”

[Cai Dorough]

“Indeed, he does,” a smooth, velvety voice said unexpectedly out of the darkness, with a chuckle of taunting amusement. “Ironic, is it not? You've been paid to protect him, I've been paid to kill him. Such a lot of fuss over one spoilt and unpleasant boy.”

The source of the voice was impossible to pinpoint, even for Pretty's preternatural hearing, the sound bouncing back and forth inside the cavernous tunnels, echoing all around them.

“So which of us is the best, do you think, Dorough? Which of us is going to win this little contest?”

"Who dat? Who dere?" Cai peered into the darkness, searching the shadows, but could not locate the voice. It seemed to move every couple of words, one moment behind him and the next in front, always out of eyesight and always without footsteps. Even with his enhanced vision in the dark, he could not pierce it far enough to locate his target. That, or the source of the voice was simply unable to be seen. The mercenary motioned with one hand for Pretty to spread out and search for the threat as he set up next to the prince.

"Come now, my friend," the voice continued, sounding suddenly familiar as it chuckled in derision, "should I not expect more from the infamous Cai Dorough? Surely the captain of his majesty's guard would be more... imposing."

"What'd you say about my mama?" Furor slid loose from its sheathe, warm in his grasp, and the dark seemed to become more inconsistent, almost hazy. Again the voice chuckled in the darkness, and Cai realized it was the same man they had run across in the forest, Damosen.

"You are amusing, Dorough, but that will not aid you here. These caverns run deep, and my patience thin. Give me the boy and the ring, and I may allow you leave this place. I've no inclination to fight you, or your voluptuous friend. Make this easy."

"If I knew what half of those words meant," Cai said, readying his sword, "I'm sure I'd be aroused. I mean, I am, a bit, but that's just because your voice is so velvety smooth. Either way, get your own peon."

"I plan to," came his reply.

Suddenly the air stirred and somehow Cai knew that Damosen had vanished again. In turn, a screeching moan filled the air, like a bear that swallowed a bat and was quite angry about it. Furor thrummed, ever hungry to drink the life from something.

[Pretty Poison]

At Cai's direction, Pretty disappeared into the darkness, her black leather clothing blending seamlessly with the gloom of the caves, her booted feet silent on the rocky ground. Her aim was to circle around behind the intruder, to take him unawares, and to slice a blade across his throat from ear to ear. With most matter creatures, that would be a simple enough process. There were few who could elude a Word Lord on the hunt - except perhaps for Cai himself, who was unusual enough to be able to keep up with her, which was one of the reasons she so enjoyed his company.

This man, though, this Damosen... he was also unusual, perhaps almost as unusual as Cai. That became apparent immediately, since she found herself unable to accurately pinpoint his location. He was physically present, not a hologram or a manifestation of some kind. She could sense him there in the darkness, but he seemed to be constantly moving, always just a fraction ahead of her, or behind her, like a ghost.

Pretty's scowl deepened as she listened to the mocking flow of conversation between the two men. She didn't like this situation. She was very rarely caught on the back foot, and it didn't sit well with her. She was the one who played with the mortals, not the other way around. Furor was humming, and the atmosphere in the cavern seemed to grow colder, crackling with suppressed violence, like a brewing storm.

Suddenly the air stirred and somehow Cai knew that Damosen had vanished again. In turn, a screeching moan filled the air, like a bear that swallowed a bat and was quite angry about it. Furor thrummed, ever hungry to drink the life from something.

The intruder was gone, vanishing away like a conjurer's trick. But they were not alone. Something else was in the cavern with them. Something that was even hungrier than Cai spotting a taco stand when he had missed lunch.

“CORDIS,” Pretty whispered. “Give us light.  NOW.”

Golden words pooled in the palm of her hand, radiating a fierce, aurulent glow. With a quick, abrupt movement, she tossed them upwards, where they scattered across the vaulted roof of the chamber, the individual letters scattering like a swarm of fireflies, bathing their immediate surrounds in a molten glow, and revealing everything in the cave to their sight.

[Cai Dorough]

Cai watched in shock as Pretty lit the room with a glowy ball. The light burst into existence in her hand, casting a brilliant glow across her face. He dropped the prince to the floor, hands slapping the side of his face in surprise. "Oh my god. Pretty? Are you a wizard?"

The Word Lady threw the glowy ball into air and it grew brighter as it reached its apex and hung below the ceiling. Pale light flowed across the cavern, revealing an encroaching wave of strange creatures, scuttling over the rocky floors with a clacking patter. They resembled a nightmarish blend of a preying mantis and a slug. Massive pincers as large as Cai's arm clamped open and closed angrily as hundreds of the creepy crawlers circled in on them.

"Its the sluganoids from Blargon 7!" Cai bounced giddily in place. "From issue number 42 of Galactic Man where he goes to Blargon 7 to find his wife's killer only to discover that it wasn't his wife after all but his brother's secretary in a wig who wanted to get busy with him and that his wife and brother had been planning an evil plot to take over the galaxy with the sluganoids!"

"Wh-what is going on?" The prince had begun to wake, pushing himself up on his hands and rubbing his eyes. "Captain? Where are we?"

"On Blargon 7," Cai replied, flipping Furor around in his hand.

"What is a blar- Dorough, what are those things?! Get me out of here this instant! Take me back to my palace now and I will forgive this act of-"

Xena fell silent again as Cai delivered a firm chop to the back of the neck, knocking the prince unconscious once more.

"Oooooooohhhhhhh boy, I'm gonna get hip deep in the smelly stuff," he said with a wide grin, then he charged forward to meet the first of the sluganoids.

[Pretty Poison]

Cai watched in shock as Pretty lit the room with a glowy ball. The light burst into existence in her hand, casting a brilliant glow across her face. He dropped the prince to the floor, hands slapping the side of his face in surprise. "Oh my god. Pretty? Are you a wizard?"

"When you have a Word Lady as an ally, you do not need a wizard,” Pretty retorted, eyeing the swarm of creatures scuttling towards them, revealed by the glowing golden light. “What in the name of All are those?”

"Its the sluganoids from Blargon 7!" Cai bounced giddily in place. "From issue number 42 of Galactic Man where he goes to Blargon 7 to find his wife's killer only to discover that it wasn't his wife after all but his brother's secretary in a wig who wanted to get busy with him and that his wife and brother had been planning an evil plot to take over the galaxy with the sluganoids!"

"I see.” Pretty nodded, taking him literally as usual, granting the story the same amount of merit as she would have given to Shakespeare's finest tale. To a Word Lord, all stories had worth, no matter how convoluted or far-fetched.  Then, without further comment, she pulled her heavy black guns from thin air with her usual magician's flourish and began to fire, her aim as true as ever, each methodical bullet striking one of the advancing slug creatures and exploding them into a spectacular shower of luminous green slime. In the golden light still gleaming from above, it was possible to see that a smile of sheer pleasure curled her red lips, her beautiful face suddenly predatory, every movement full of relish and the joy of destruction.

“Wh-what is going on?" The prince had begun to wake, pushing himself up on his hands and rubbing his eyes. "Captain? Where are we?"

"On Blargon 7," Cai replied, flipping Furor around in his hand.

"What is a blar-”

The Prince broke off his tirade as the sound of gunfire gradually penetrated his confused daze, and he whirled around to take in the new threat coming against them, alarm spreading across his face.

“Dorough, what are those things?!” he demanded. “Get me out of here this instant! Take me back to my palace now and I will forgive this act of-"

Xena fell silent again as Cai delivered a firm chop to the back of the neck, knocking the prince unconscious once more.

"Oooooooohhhhhhh boy, I'm gonna get hip deep in the smelly stuff," he said with a wide grin, then he charged forward to meet the first of the sluganoids.

“Do not let the green substance touch your skin, Cai Dorough,” Pretty warned, her voice calm as she waded amongst the swarm across the other side of the cavern, killing as she went. “It is formed from pure acid.”

[Cai Dorough]

Cai considered exchanging his sword for his gun in an effort to keep the sluganoids at a distance, but he was down to his last few clips and thought it might be better advised to save them for later. Just in case. Shrugging, he readied Furor with a sharp swing that cut the air with a whistle.

"You know, I wish Xena here would quit sleeping all the time, makes it kind of difficult to escape when he can't run himself." The prince snored next to Cai's feet as if in retort, a small knot beginning to form where Cai had knocked him over the head. One of the sluganoids had gotten ahead of the others but Cai stepped forward to slam the flat of his sword across its bulbousy head. Its large eyes seemed to bulge even further, almost to the point Cai thought they might fall out of its head; the mercenary delivered a spinning kick to the beast that sent it rolling away.

Not being able to attack the creatures made staying ahead of them all the more difficult. Cai slung the slight form of the prince over a shoulder and leapt onto a nearby rock. He leapt to another close by and sliced off a reaching arm of a sluganoid. It felt rough even as it felt squishy, the pale flesh coating its hard bone sliding across his sword's edge with a greasy smell of old milk. The sluganoid screeched in protest as its limb fell to the ground, pale green liquid gushing from its stump and burning at the rocky ground below.

Bullets flew by in a furious storm as Cai landed on the next rocky outgrowth, Pretty Poison delivering an unstoppable wave of death with insane accuracy. She stepped confidently in a wide arc, drawing as much attention away from Cai and the prince as she could and dropping sluganoid bodies with gleeful abandon. Cai planted the heel of his boot in another beast's face as it attempted to the climb the rocky hill towards him. The kick almost cost him his footing, though, forcing him to backpedal a few times and come to a kneel to avoid falling off. Several of the hungry creatures surged forward, anticipating their meal a near event.

Cai surveyed his surroundings quickly, looking for his next move. The sluganoids had him surrounded on all sides and they were closing in, getting more confident and brave the longer Cai avoided them, their longing to rip to him and the prince to shreds overtaking their caution in full swing. Off to the left, Pretty had her own hands full as she waded through the masses of beasts, cutting a swathe of black death through their ranks. A chasm opened up behind him, the distant side too far away to see in the impenetrable gloom of the caverns, even with his eyes. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, nowhere to dump the prince's body.

"Well, this is gonna be stupid," he growled under his breath, hefting the prince higher on his shoulder and taking a few deep breaths. "But no risk, no reward!"

The mercenary leapt from the rocky outgrowth and landed in the middle of the sluganoids, all of which surged in a screaming rage to be the first to lay mandibles on him. Furor hummed in Cai's free hand, eager to bite into flesh, regardless of the acidic waste laying beneath. Cai slapped the creatures aside with the flat of the blade, however, pushing his way through the crowd. He spun in a tight circle as he edged further through, keeping arms and mandibles at bay on all sides. Even still, the edge of his sword would occasionally catch a fleshy outreached limb; bits of acidic ichor rained across his arm and chest, searing flesh.

"Its been a hoot, guys, really," Cai said sincerely, taking another step, "but I think its time for me to bounce." The mercenary let an arm slide through his whirling defense and used it as a springboard to leap atop the sluganoid's head. From there, he hopped to another and another, his boots sinking slightly into each as if they were mud and coming free with a sickening squelch.

"Next time we meet, I'll bring more bullets, proper house guest and all. Until then," he continued, shoving his sword back in its hilt, "its been a blast." Cai leapt as fas he could off the last sluganoid, hurling himself through the air over the chasm. At the top of his jump, he twisted around and held out his left hand. A writhing ball of electricity formed in his palm and burst forth suddenly with a blinding flash that lit up the chasm to match Pretty's own light. The ground fell away below into the deapths of the earth, so far down he still couldn't see the bottom. The sparkling energy shot Cai and the prince through the air across the gap as the electricity crashed into the sluganoids like a wave across the shore, searing a hundred of them to cinders in moments.

After a few seconds Cai stopped falling, landing roughly on stone and sliding to a halt against a wall. The prince fell from his grasp and rolled to a stop a few yards away. "Guess I made it," he wheezed, struggling to regain his breath. "That's right. I'm awesome."