Post by Zagreus on Mar 4, 2019 13:33:31 GMT -5
So I took an indefinite hiatus for about... a little over a year now, and let's just say when I said IRL was kicking my ass last year... it really did, and I'm gonna be honest with everybody. The major things that happened were essentially boiled down to:
Failing Geology, tanking my GPA, and switching my major to Environmental Geography with a minor in Geospatial Sciences. All this cause I slowly got sick over the course of the first part of the semester until I caught strep throat. Summer was a haze. I think my car broke again. Then when I started focusing on Geography classes, I got sick again in the middle of October again with strep throat. So I got a D in one of my geography classes when I was expecting B's because I thought I was doing that well.
So nearly got kicked out of the program.
Then on December 2nd, my cat Bear passed away with acute renal failure, which drove me down a huge depressive spiral, and I got extremely out of control. Mom had to lend over Emily when I got back to college cause I was nearly hurting myself it was that bad. In that course of the winter I did quite a bit of thinking and talking to my psychiatrist on what was going on with me, and as a result, my anxiety and depression medications were upped.
The reality is Bear was more or less a therapy cat for me and losing him dealt a huge blow to the point where I was essentially traumatized for it. I still hurt even today thinking about it, but it revealed a lot to me about me as a character, and pushed me to pursue more independence from my family especially my Mom, who had been sort of holding me back for a long time. I have a loan now, and my own insurance now that I'm 26, and Mom lend me her cat Emily who had been helping me sort of deal with the worst part of my mental health.
I'd been a lot more codependent and depressed than I ever realized, and I think along with learning about aspects of my being unable to focus on many things at one time, and a lot of what I had said in the past that have hurt people have finally been explained to me, and I don't want to feel that way anymore and I don't want others to feel that way anymore since it's such an unhealthy way of approaching people, and with that I apologize (especially towards you, Beebs) for delaying so much in addressing these problems. I realize now I'm a lot better than what I tell myself, and you all have been really patient with me about it. Though... sometimes I still have moments of inadequacy and anxiety. I'll get through it. It's a process that I'll probably be dealing with for the rest of my life. But I wanna work on them, so I can be a better person. I wanna be a GOOD person.
Anyway onto the actual Whoniverse bit. I've been getting that itch again. Finally, after a year of hesitant uncertainty, sickness, and depression have finally wafted past. Finally I have certainty in my life and my future. Finally I can step up and say I can do this. I've been hooked on the Doctor Who Comics again, since I can generally afford them. I get excited over certain names again.
But there is that slight bit of hesitancy, from my past experience. I know form last time others have been pensive about RPing with me due to my habit of just losing interest and leaving and all the drama, and the itch to RP has been satiated mostly with private friend groups on forums rather than an official RP. So I want to know what people think. Not as a codependency thing, but for me to decide what I wanna do.
I wanna bring back at least one character. I want to overhaul them a bit, though. Make them more interesting; more fun.
Baby steps, though.
Failing Geology, tanking my GPA, and switching my major to Environmental Geography with a minor in Geospatial Sciences. All this cause I slowly got sick over the course of the first part of the semester until I caught strep throat. Summer was a haze. I think my car broke again. Then when I started focusing on Geography classes, I got sick again in the middle of October again with strep throat. So I got a D in one of my geography classes when I was expecting B's because I thought I was doing that well.
So nearly got kicked out of the program.
Then on December 2nd, my cat Bear passed away with acute renal failure, which drove me down a huge depressive spiral, and I got extremely out of control. Mom had to lend over Emily when I got back to college cause I was nearly hurting myself it was that bad. In that course of the winter I did quite a bit of thinking and talking to my psychiatrist on what was going on with me, and as a result, my anxiety and depression medications were upped.
The reality is Bear was more or less a therapy cat for me and losing him dealt a huge blow to the point where I was essentially traumatized for it. I still hurt even today thinking about it, but it revealed a lot to me about me as a character, and pushed me to pursue more independence from my family especially my Mom, who had been sort of holding me back for a long time. I have a loan now, and my own insurance now that I'm 26, and Mom lend me her cat Emily who had been helping me sort of deal with the worst part of my mental health.
I'd been a lot more codependent and depressed than I ever realized, and I think along with learning about aspects of my being unable to focus on many things at one time, and a lot of what I had said in the past that have hurt people have finally been explained to me, and I don't want to feel that way anymore and I don't want others to feel that way anymore since it's such an unhealthy way of approaching people, and with that I apologize (especially towards you, Beebs) for delaying so much in addressing these problems. I realize now I'm a lot better than what I tell myself, and you all have been really patient with me about it. Though... sometimes I still have moments of inadequacy and anxiety. I'll get through it. It's a process that I'll probably be dealing with for the rest of my life. But I wanna work on them, so I can be a better person. I wanna be a GOOD person.
Anyway onto the actual Whoniverse bit. I've been getting that itch again. Finally, after a year of hesitant uncertainty, sickness, and depression have finally wafted past. Finally I have certainty in my life and my future. Finally I can step up and say I can do this. I've been hooked on the Doctor Who Comics again, since I can generally afford them. I get excited over certain names again.
But there is that slight bit of hesitancy, from my past experience. I know form last time others have been pensive about RPing with me due to my habit of just losing interest and leaving and all the drama, and the itch to RP has been satiated mostly with private friend groups on forums rather than an official RP. So I want to know what people think. Not as a codependency thing, but for me to decide what I wanna do.
I wanna bring back at least one character. I want to overhaul them a bit, though. Make them more interesting; more fun.
Baby steps, though.
