Heir to the Pwn ((Cai/Pretty Poison))

[Pretty Poison]

At first, Pretty was tempted just to put a bullet through the serving man's brain, and end the issue there and then. The rank scent of the man's fear disgusted her.

But Cai's nod indicated that he wanted her to allow the prisoner to be taken into custody. The guards approached, and she reluctantly stepped back. Cai was one of the very few people in the universe that she would take direction from. She assumed he intended to interrogate the man, to find out who he was working for. It was very obvious that the would-be killer was no criminal mastermind in his own right. He looked too stupid to even realise he was stupid.

The Prince, on the other hand, seemed rather upset, shouting at Cai and waving his arms around. Which was rather rude, she thought, considering she had just saved his life. However, matter creatures were notoriously ungrateful, as well as stupid, so she tried not to let it anger her too much.

Instead, she de-materialised again and reappeared next to Cai, dressed once again in her battle leathers, as he responded to the Prince's tirade with his usual nonchalance.

"Calm your crown down, Xena. If you're gonna let yourself get all flustered and upset over every cup of acid or a bullet flying a half inch from your face, how will you expect to make it through the Acid and Bullet singles mixer? Besides, chicks dig gun powder. Ask Pretty."

A sly smile curved Pretty's lips. “Indeed, gun powder is most agreeable. That is why I like Cai. Explosions follow him wherever he goes.”

[Cai Dorough]

A sly smile curved Pretty's lips. “Indeed, gun powder is most agreeable. That is why I like Cai. Explosions follow him wherever he goes.”

"Also, don't mind the gas. I ate tacos earlier. Del Fuego. It'll getcha." Cai waved a hand behind him and scrunched his face a bit. Xena slowly crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Cai, confused.

"Enough of your blathering, Captain. That man tried to kill me and you stand there pondering foreign foods." The prince did not seem amused.

"The BEST foreign foods. Whatever, thats neither here nor China." Cai stepped over to the tabled and grabbed handfuls of food, piling up a plate; more gizards, grapes, potatoes, peas, and whatever else he could get his hands on. He picked up another goblet of wine and took a sip, pausing for a few seconds to see if any more acid was present but it seemed fine. He upended the cup over the plate of food like a sauce and shoved the sodden pile in the prince's face. "Got you a to-go tray. Eat up or you wont grow to be big and strong like Rosie O'Donnell. Let's go." Cai shoved Xena forward roughly off the dais toward a hall at the back of the hall. He nodded to a few guards to escort him and turned back to address the onlooking diners.

"Right then, so his royal heinousness has decided he hates you all and your smelly food. And you all smell too. And your hair is stupid. And you look like frogs turned inside out. Also, he says that you two should fight to the death. Winner gets to pick a third person from anyone else in the room and make them dance naked with the loser's corpse. Choose wisely, the rest of you render judgement, except for curly hair there on the end, you spin in circles until you fall down then get up and do it again. Remember, if you're not puking, you're not trying. Nobody leaves."

Cai nodded in self-approval, confident that would keep them all busy for a while while he and Pretty secured the prince/interrogated the would-be assassin/instructed the cook in taco making/found a toilet cause the Del Fuego was starting to come back on him fierce.

The mercenary nodded to the Word Lady and set off after the prince and his entourage. A guard saluted to him as he passed, pressing a closed fist over his heart. Cai stopped and arched an eyebrow at the man, then promptly slapped his across the face. The guard did not shift positions, merely took the blow and kept his eyes straight forward.

"Stand on one leg," Cai instructed, smirking as the guard did as told. "Oh, this is gonna be so sweet. Now hop. Okay stop hopping. Slam your face repeatedly into the wall." The guard hesitated for a second before slowly setting his foot down and moving to do as commanded. Cai merely walked off howling with laughter.

"You there, punch him in the throat. You, find some boots and juggle them. You, pick your nose. You, pick that guy's nose. And you!" He rushed up to the guard standing against the wall to the right of the entrance to the hall Xena had been escorted through. The guard jumped slightly as Cai approached, fear in his eyes. "You're okay. I like you."

"Thank you, sir!" the guard yelped.

"I didn't say you could speak, minion! Now lick the floor until you can taste the square footage! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA hey, where the hell did Xena get to? Damn it all, you guys distracted me! Bad minions! Bad!"

Cai took off down the hall to find the prince.

[Pretty Poison]

Quite simply, Prince Xoannon, Heir to the Throne of Aelakoeao, Lord of the Long Marches, Guardian of the Ancestral Vaults of Erketh, Mighty Protector of the Crystalline City, and Glorious Son of the Summer Solstice, was having a very bad day.

Firstly, the shuttle that had crash-landed in front of his palace, and wrecked his Reflection Pool; then the subsequent violent deaths of both his Champion and his Chancellor, which was very inconvenient; then his dinner interrupted by a blatant attempt on his life... what on Aelakoeao would happen next?

Not to mention the fact that he was expected to deal with Cai Dorough and his associate. What had his godfather been thinking, sending him these two insolent renegades? Dorough was clearly insane, without the slightest inkling of the respect and obeisance due to a prince of Xoannon's exalted rank. And as for Poison... just looking the woman gave him the chills.

An enormous sense of outrage blossomed inside him, as he watched Cai giving ridiculous and contradictory orders to the guards, and even worse, seeing the guards obey him. It was too much! There and then, Xoannon decided that he would deal with this crisis in the same way he dealt with every other thing that had ever displeased him.

He began to sulk.

Everybody in the universe is gifted at something. Everybody, no matter who they are, has some sort of talent. In Xoannon's case, he was an expert sulker. He'd been practising since birth and by now, he was really rather good at it. Of course, he did have the obvious advantage of being born royal, and therefore having the ability to order people executed if they didn't do what he said. But it wasn't everyone who could brood and glower with the amount of flair that he did.

Dumping the dripping plate that Cai had given him back on the table, he drew himself up and swished his long ermine train contemptuously in the mercenary's direction, expecting the man to quail in fear before the royal hauteur.

However, to his shock and dismay, Cai wasn't even paying any attention to him, being more absorbed in making one of the guards lick the floor. Pretty Poison was leaning against the wall, her arms folded, a look of amusement on her face as she watched the increasingly wild antics of her partner.

Xoannon was unaccustomed to being so completely disregarded. Usually, when he sulked, everyone bent over backwards to restore his humour. Usually, he was the absolute centre of attention. But this Cai Dorough was stealing the limelight that was rightfully his and wasn't giving him one jot of acknowledgement.

Suddenly, the Prince found his lower lip quivering in a very boyish way. How dare they! He'd nearly been murdered.  They should all be fawning over him in horror and distress at so nearly losing him. Instead, all his courtiers were watching Cai.

In a swirl of rich silks and velvets, Xoannon stormed from the dais and out into the hall, heading back to his quarters in a right royal temper. They'd all be sorry when they realised he was gone... and then they'd have to run after him and try to placate him. Serve them right! After all, he was the Prince here. This was his palace and he gave the orders.

And if Cai Dorough was going to work here, that was something that the upstart mercenary would need to learn.

[Cai Dorough]

"He did WHAT?!"

The guard ducked as a ceramic pot flew towards his face. It shattered on the wall and shards rained down on his back. Eyes as wide as saucers filled his head and all of the blood had drained from his face in fear, a cold sweat beading on his forehead and a muscle beneath his eye twitching nervously.

"Sir, he has... He has fled the palace, Captain!"

Cai seethed angrily, veritable fire in his eyes as he stormed back and forth across the room where the prince was supposed to be waiting. "Son of a dirty dish sponge! How did he slip past all of you?"

"Sir, he must have escaped through one of the service passages. The servants would never report his passing out of fear, sir. The prince could have taken them all the way out of the palace and grounds without any halt."

Cai threw another pot at the man's head and the guard promptly ducked beneath it again. "Do you even realize how annoying this is? How much work its going to take for me to find this little un-swallowed mistake? Look out that window and tell me exactly what you see!"

The guard rushed over and peered out of the window. "The palace grounds, the barrier walls, corn fields, and the forrest, sir."

"And how BIG is all of that?"

"Very, sir."

"Very f*@&$^% big!"

"Sir," the guard stammered, turning around to face Cai, "let me send out a contingency to search for his majesty. We will not rest unti-"

Cai didn't give him enough time to finish his sentence. A large, heavy boot slammed into the guard's chest and the man flew through the window. Glass shattered and sprinkled down below, followed closely by the guard, screaming uselessly as he fell sixty feet to his death. Cai stuck his head out of window and shouted to the four guards rushing over to the scene.

"Clean it up, fix this window. Hold down the fort!" He ducked back in the window and looked to Pretty. "Let's go find this royal failure so I can force march him all the way back here with my boot up his ass. Bring the ice packs, its about to get hot."

[Pretty Poison]

There had always been a wild, hot flame that leapt inside Cai. Sometimes, Pretty thought he was consuming his story at ten times the pace of most matter creatures, like a candle burning at both ends. It shed a strange and alluring light that she had always found fascinating, from the moment they met. It also made him entirely unpredictable, as the hapless guard had just discovered, much to his cost.

Cai stuck his head out of window and shouted to the four guards rushing over to the scene.

"Clean it up, fix this window. Hold down the fort!" He ducked back in the window and looked to Pretty. "Let's go find this royal failure so I can force march him all the way back here with my boot up his ass. Bring the ice packs, its about to get hot."

As literal as she generally was, she knew him well enough by now to realise that this last instruction was rhetorical and not something he actually expected her to do.

“It will be my pleasure,” she replied, pushing herself away from the wall, with a smile that held a tinge of malice towards the runaway prince. “I do so love a hunt.”

She had no sooner finished speaking, when there was a commotion in the doorway. A richly dressed woman was approaching, her face heavily veiled in black, followed by a coterie of what appeared to be ladies-in-waiting. The crowd was peeling back respectfully, to allow her access to the room. Flustered, one of the heralds managed to pull himself together enough to announce, “Her Royal Highness, the Principessa Dolorosa, Dowager Queen of Aelakoeao.”

With a rustle of silken skirts, the woman swept up to Cai and addressed him with no preamble, her voice low and distressed. “Captain Cai... you must find my son with all haste. If he is not present in the throne room on the night of the Celestial Conjunction for his coronation, he will lose his crown... and it will fall instead to his cousin Charsumax!”

Pretty gave a gesture that was both impatient and dismissive. “Your Prince was foolish to leave our protection. There has already been one attempt on his life since we arrived.”

“He is an impulsive and hot-headed boy, brought up in the royal court, with people fawning over him and granting his every whim,” the woman replied, turning her veiled face towards Pretty. The Word Lady thought she could make out eyes glittering behind the fine lace, but it was hard to tell for sure. “Aelakoeao has been at peace ever since his father took the throne. Xoannon knows nothing of war or intrigue.”

Dolorosa swung back towards Cai, her beringed, jewel-encrusted fingers wrapping around his arm in a surprisingly strong grip. “Please... he is my son... and I fear for him, out there in the wilderness all alone. He has no idea how to fend for himself.  If you had a child, Captain, you would understand. As a mother, I am not ashamed to beg you for your help.”

[Cai Dorough]

Cai had been just about to storm out of the room with Pretty when the door opened and revealed a woman standing on the other side. She appeared to be only a few years older than himself, or at least older than his un-aging body was, still pretty and with long, dark hair that framed a face veiled in kind. She seemed somber and stricken, worry painted across her features as she strode confidently into the room and right up to Cai as a man standing to the side of the door harked her arrival.

“Her Royal Highness, the Principessa Dolorosa, Dowager Queen of Aelakoeao.”

The woman, the queen, fixed the mercenary with desperate eyes and began to plead to him, explaining the kingdom's situation and its dire need for the prince's return to take the throne. The fear and concern in her voice were clearly evident, a mother longing for the return of her son.

"Look, lady, that punk ran off on his own. If he gets eaten by a giant caterpillar, I don't see how that really affects me any more than his being here in the first place."

“Please... he is my son... and I fear for him, out there in the wilderness all alone. He has no idea how to fend for himself. If you had a child, Captain, you would understand. As a mother, I am not ashamed to beg you for your help.”

Cai looked her in the eyes with real consideration at that. If you had a child... Behind the queen, a flash of bluish white light caught Cai's eye, though everyone else just stared through it as if it weren't there. Which, he guessed, it wasn't for them. Every time, he seemed to be the only one to see it. From the light emerged a young woman, beautiful, smiling at him with arms crossed, regarding him with a stern discernment as one might a child throwing a fit. His heart sunk to his shoes. She wanted him to save the prince, he knew. She didn't need to say anything. He always knew what she meant.

The mercenary scowled and grabbed the queen by her shoulders. The gaggle of women behind her screamed and the guards in the halls unsheathed their weapons in a chorus of hissing metal. Cai merely shifted the woman aside before cracking his neck.

"Lets go Pretty. Guess we're going to bring him back alive. Better move fast." The queen began to sob her gratefulness to him but he didn't hear her words as he stepped to the window and leapt through it. Cai fell freely toward the ground, shouts rising up to him. Just before slamming into the cobblestones below Cai activated his manacle and shifted through space, coming to a quick run as he reappeared, headed into the woods.

[Pretty Poison]

Dolorosa gasped as Cai leapt from the windowsill, and ran over to stare down into the courtyard, followed by her gaggle of horrified women, all craning their necks in alarm. Shortly thereafter, a collective sigh of relief swept through them all, as they saw him activate his teleport and vanish with a bright flare of energy.

When the Dowager Queen turned back into the room, it was to find Pretty Poison had not moved. The Word Lady was still leaning against the wall in exactly the same place, her crystal-blue eyes fixed steadily on Dolorosa.

“Well?” the woman demanded indignantly. “Aren't you going with him to help? You're his associate, aren't you?”

“I am,” Pretty returned, pushing herself unhurriedly upright. “And I will. When it suits me to do so.”

Lethargically, she paced around the Dowager Queen in a tight circle, never once taking her eyes off her. The guards tensed again and went to draw their weapons, but Dolorosa put up a hand to quell them.

“You are not of this planet,” Pretty commented. “Your story began elsewhere.”

The woman stiffened slightly. “That is correct. I was born on the planet Koflion, in the Constellation of Taunides. However, I hardly see that it's any of your...”

“The planet Koflion,” Pretty interrupted, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “The same place that Chandler Zeus was born, according to his published biography. You knew him?”

“Well... yes...” Dolorosa's facial expression was well concealed beneath her veil, but her voice was faintly discomfited. “Chandler and I were... friends... before I married my husband, the King of Aelakoeao.  That is why he was chosen as Xoannon's godfather.”

“Friends...” Pretty echoed thoughtfully, placing an odd emphasis on the word. “So... you are not royal by birth?”

There was no doubt she'd hit a nerve this time. Dolorosa drew herself up haughtily and addressed her in a frosty tone.

“I am the Dowager Queen of Aelakoeao, that is all you need to know.”

A sly, mocking smile curved Pretty's red lips. “Interesting,” she purred. “Very interesting. Now it suits me to rejoin Cai.”

With that she began to fade away, a bit of her body at a time, until only her smile was left, taunting like the Cheshire Cat. Then even that was gone, leaving the space where she had been standing utterly empty.

Ruffled, Dolorosa turned savagely on her women, who were gaping in astonishment. “Well, haven't you got something better to do than to stand around gawking?” The Queen clapped her hands imperiously. “Get you gone! We have much work to do, to prepare a welcoming banquet to greet the return of our beloved Prince!”

Whirling around, she stalked out of the door, leaving her cowed attendants to scurry after her.

As for Pretty, the energy signature of Cai's manacle was a simple matter for her CORDIS to trace. Seconds after dematerialising from the castle, she reappeared in the woods, running beside him, matching his pace with the easy lope of a predator.

“Have you found his scent yet?” she demanded, glancing exuberantly across at her partner. “Come on, Cai – let us hunt!”

---

Meanwhile, down in the deepest part of the castle, in a secret chamber carved from the very gutrock of the cliff, a masked and hooded man knelt to receive his final instructions.

“You have been hired because you are said to be the finest assassin in this quadrant.”

The man who spoke was in his early thirties, dressed in a brocaded robe with an ermine collar, with a golden circlet glittering in his dark wavy hair.

“For our plan to succeed, my cousin must die. I will tolerate no more failure. You will complete this task and bring me proof that Xoannon no longer lives. Kill Dorough and the woman as well. I want no loose ends.”

The Assassin inclined his head deferentially, hiding his contempt for the man in the shadow of his hood. It was never wise to risk offending a paying customer. And this one paid better than most.

“Yes, my Lord Charsumax.”

“Then go, in all haste,” his employer commanded. “And see that it is done.”

Like a breath of wind, the Assassin sprinted through the stone corridors into the night, blending so perfectly with the darkness, it was as if he were no more than a shadow himself.

Content, Charsumax folded his arms inside the voluminous sleeves of his robes, a sneer of anticipation stretching across his features.

Dorough would never even see this coming.

[Cai Dorough]

Pretty took a couple of minutes to catch back up to him, but Cai suspected it had less to do with her having trouble matching his speed and more to do with her having found something particularly squirmy to step on for a bit. When she did appear, though, the Word Lady seemed excited and fully enticed by the thrill of seeking the annoying young royal through the expanse of forest. Much like a game of cat and mouse; the prince being the mouse, and Pretty being the 700 pound tiger sent in to overkill everything daring to interrupt her games. The thought split an intrigued grin across the mercenary's face.

The prince had obviously left some time ago to get so far away from the castle. All whilst Cai was still in the banquet hall, testing out his new found authority over the armored idiots that served as the royal guard. A bunch of half-wits wit tin foil wrapping, as far as he was concerned, the lot of them bringing neither a boon to security of the castle proper nor more than bodies that might at some point serve as cannon fodder and subsequent fleshy bricks with which he might barricade the entrance doors to funnel attackers in through the service passages for easy slaughter. If the prince died and Cai had to give back the money he was paid for this job... Well, he wasn't going to give back the money.

"Did you notice their armor?" Cai queried, his mind running on high gear, following suit of his legs as they speedily stalked through trees and shadows, searching for signs of passage. "The castle guards?" The lot of them, incapable though most appeared, were merely inexperienced in reality. He had not missed the fact that the majority of them were young, barely more than boys, and their armor was fresh. No nicks and dings, no dull to their sheen from years of blood being cleaned with wax and salt, not even a smudge to show for any signs of battle wear or extent of use. "Someone has replaced most of the watch recently. Retired the old crew and hired a whole new one."

As ignorant as the prince was, Cai had no illusions it had been he to replace the guard. Even if Xena had wanted men he could trust after his father's passing, a boy raised in castle grounds would never have so many friends his age to hire.

The mercenary held up a hand to signal to slow and pointed out the tracks he had been following. Something large had definitely been through recently, judging by the trampled weeds. They crept ahead for a few hundred feet before spotting the creature in the shadows ahead, its hulking mass raising nearly twelve feet and half as wide. It sniffed at the air a few times, snorted, and moved on.

If it was after the prince, seeking a little midnight snack, perhaps the beast's nose would lead them right to Xena? It would be impossible to follow undetected behind the creature, upwind as they were. It had smelled their approach. If they got any closer, it would stop its search and turn for the closer, easier to find prey. Cai could almost foresee its every move. Animal instinct did not belong solely to the animals, after all.

The mercenary placed two fingers over his eyes and pointed to the beast, then tapped his chest and pointed upward, signaling to climb up and follow it closely with both hands moving up and down parallel to each other that they should get it between them and stick to its sides. He activated his manacle and instantly slipped through time and space, light curling around him as he fell in every direction at once to pop back out in the tree tops.

It seemed they might be doing some hunting after all.

[Pretty Poison]

“Did you notice their armor?" Cai queried, his mind running on high gear, following suit of his legs as they speedily stalked through trees and shadows, searching for signs of passage. "The castle guards?.... Someone has replaced most of the watch recently. Retired the old crew and hired a whole new one.”

Pretty ran beside him, all her senses on high alert, looking for any sign of the missing Prince. “How very convenient. It seems someone wishes the heir to the throne to be undefended.” She gave him a savage grin. “A shame for them that we have now arrived.”

At a gesture from Cai, she slowed her pace. He was following some tracks in the grass. Not belonging to the prince. These were much larger and definitely not humanoid. A beast of some kind. A predator, tracking fresh meat. Pretty wondered if the boy knew he'd picked up such a lethal tail. She also wondered if it was a coincidence – or whether his unknown enemies had sent the animal after him. Either way, without their help, she was willing to bet that his chances of survival were next to nil.

She wasn't afraid that the beast would sniff her out. Her avatar was unreal and therefore had no scent for it to catch. Cai, on the other hand, was flesh and blood, and would need to approach carefully.

Silently, they moved further along the trail together, until at last they caught sight of their quarry. Pretty had never seen anything quite like it before. It was huge and muscular, with a squarish head, and ears that lay close to its skull. Its shoulders sloped sharply downwards to a powerful chest, covered in long, matted, reddish-brown fur, and its arms were long and ropey, hanging well past its squat knees. It sniffed the air suspiciously, its wide nostrils grotesquely distended, before apparently deciding that there was nothing to be concerned about.

Pretty was about to leap on to its back and snap its neck, when Cai placed two fingers over his eyes and pointed to the beast, then tapped his chest and pointed upward, signaling to climb up and follow it closely. At first, this instruction seemed incomprehensible to Pretty. It was supposed to be the Prince they were seeking, not this beast. Surely Cai would prefer her to remove it from their path? But then, as he used his manacle to translate himself up into the tree tops, it dawned on her that he intended to make use of the creature's native tracking skills.

It was a cunning manoeuvre, she had to admit. Just another example of why Cai was so good at his job. And, she thought with childlike glee, as she dematerialised to the treetops on the other side, why he was so good at keeping her entertained.

Down below, the strange beast snuffled around in the bushes, before giving a high-pitched howl of triumph and loping off on all fours towards the north, with the two humanoids following through the leafy canopy overhead.

---

Some distance away, a hooded man crouched in the long grass, his slender fingers lightly caressing some broken stems. Two people, he judged, running side by side at high speed. Dorough and the woman were good, there was no doubt. They had barely left a trail. But the Assassin was even better. There was nothing in the universe that he couldn't track.

Far to the north, there was a spine-chilling howl. An animal of some kind. Knowing the forest around these parts, the Assassin guessed it was a migoi, a hairy, flesh-eating monster that was native to the area. It was coming from the same direction Dorough and his partner had run.

Pulling his crossbow from his back, the Assassin checked it over carefully, making sure that it was ready to fire at a moments notice. You couldn't be too careful with a migoi on the loose. The beasts were quick, powerful and brutal. They were also intelligent and very single-minded. Once they caught the scent of their intended meal, nothing could distract them from the hunt. And when, in the end, they brought down their prey, they ate it, bones and all. There was rarely anything left to bury.

A small smile tilted the harsh line of the Assassin's lips as he returned the weapon to his back, keeping it well within easy reach. If the migoi got to the Prince or his two bodyguards first, it was going to make his job very easy indeed.

Unhurriedly, the hooded man also began to lope easily towards the north, curious as to what he would find at the end of the trail.

[Cai Dorough]

Cai followed the strange beast like a shadow, avoiding the higher, thinner branches so as to prevent the looser leaves from shaking and creating more noise. Pretty rushed along off to his left, silent as death's kiss itself. Cai was only aware of her from brief glimpses of her as she materialized, crouched low in her always ready stance, before she disappeared again and warped to the next spot. She seemed to be looking at Cai, following his path more than following the beast, as Cai was, as if chasing a particularly entertaining mouse through a topiary maze.

The massive creature snorted and growled every so often as it led them through the forrest. They traveled a fair distance, at least a few miles, before it began to slow and sniff through the bushes and dirt again to be sure it had secured its trail. The prince had gotten farther out than he had imagined he might have. If the hairy hog-ape thing below was any indication of the aboriginal fauna, the fact that Xena had made it through unnoticed was a miracle. Unless they were now tracking a corpse, or what remained of it, in which case his mission would soon be over and he could take Pretty to go see mud wrestling. It was two for one night and he knew a place with great wings.

As they moved further in, the heavy scent of moss began to fill the air and in the distance Cai would hear a river running roughly through choppy rapids. The mercenary leapt to another branch and as he landed, using the limb above for stability with his left hand, was surprised as the foliage shifted and a large snake hissed in anger. The viper lunged at the mercenary's throat and Cai only just had time to dodge what he assumed would be an exceptionally venomous bite. However, in doing so, he lost his footing as he had not yet had the chance to settle his balance and the mercenary toppled from the tree tops to the dirt, hitting two lower branches on the way down and bouncing off of them like a ball of putty.

The hog-ape creature had come to a crawl, slowly working its way through the brush to remain as silent as possible, apparently close to its intended prey now. When Cai hit the dirt with an oof, driving the air from his lungs slightly, the creature howled and ripped a small tree from its roots, understandably upset that something had ruined its approach. It hurled the tree at Cai who rolled out of the way just in time, coming up in a low crouch. His gun would probably not do much to the massive creature but he might be able to distract it long enough to get past it. If the prince was close enough, he could grab the little moron and be off before the thing drew more of its buddies down on top of them all and turned Cai into a banana sundae.

"Here boy," Cai jested, whistling to make sure the beast's attention would stay on him and not return to the trail, "goooooood Porky Kong. Yeah, who's a good uggly beasty? Yes you are." The taunting seemed to be working, the creature's eyes flaring in anger as they stared death toward Cai. However, the ruse was wasted as, lo and behold, the bane of Cai's Tuesday entered the scene in spectacularly foreseeable fashion.

The prince, perhaps seeking to investigate the noise in the dark, entered the ruckus behind Porky Kong and shrieked in fright.

"Great," Cai lamented as the beast turned around, snarled hungrily, and raised its giant clawed fists to shred its prey. In a single, powerful leap, Cai soared through the air to land atop Porky's back and straddle his neck, unslinging his bandolier and wrapping it around the beast's throat like reins.

"Grab the princess!" Cai yelled to Pretty before, in what could only be described as a rodeo clown's worst nightmare, Porky Kong howled in frustration and beat the ground twice before launching itself through the woods in attempt to shake the still riding mercenary free.

[Pretty Poison]

Prince Xoannon was not enjoying himself. At first it had seemed like a brilliant idea. Escape out into the wild for a while, have everyone worry about him a bit, then return in triumph, having proven conclusively once and for all that he was just as much of a man as his father had been, and that he didn't need babysitters hovering over him all the time. After all, he was not a child, and was perfectly capable of looking after himself.

The jungle, however, had proved to be a bit of a shock. There were no paths and he kept losing his way. His original plan had been to navigate using the sun, just as his astrology tutor had shown him as a boy. But he hadn't counted on the green leafy canopy of the high trees obscuring his view of the sky. Within half an hour, he'd become hopelessly lost, and he suspected he was wandering in circles. Everything looked the same. Enormous tree trunks; tangles of vegetation and prickly undergrowth that tore at his clothes; big-leafed plants that constantly dripped water down the back of his neck; lianas and thorny vines that caught in his long, oiled hair. The ground was uneven, and he'd tripped over at least a hundred times, grazing his hands and knees.

There were creepy noises all around him, too. Dry twigs snapping, insects buzzing, leaves rustling in the breeze, inexplicable crunching and pattering just out of his eyeline. Under the sheltering branches of the great trees, it was already dim, the forest floor patterned in a dappled green light. But he dreaded to think what it would be like at night, if he hadn't found his way back by then.

He was about to sit down and have a good cry, when he heard what he thought were footsteps behind him. Heavy footsteps, like those of a beast of burden. Euphoric relief flooded through him. A rescue party! It had to be. Of course, his people would be worried about their lost prince. The Guard had come after him, tracking him through the jungle until they found him. And they'd brought him a domestic mammoth or a sand-Kaiila to ride home in comfort. His heart lifted immediately. In a few short hours, he would be home again, dressed in his silk robes and lounging in front of a roaring fire, a glass of vintage wine in his hand. Right there and then, he decided to handsomely reward whoever it was that had found him.

Charging towards the approaching sounds, he burst joyfully out into a nearby clearing, only to pull up in horror when he saw the hulking migoi towering over him, complete with fangs and claws and rancid breath. Cai Dorough was on the monster's back, trying to wrestle it into submission. Xoannon, however, had no intention of waiting around to see if he was successful. He was the King-in-Waiting. It was his duty to save his own royal skin - for the sake of his people, of course. With a terrified howl, he turned tail and ran blindly back into the jungle.

His heart was pounding like a drum, and his breathing was rasping in and out painfully as he ran. A small voice in the back of his head insisted on pointing out that he wasn't as fit as he should be. Abruptly, he stifled it. He was a prince, after all, it wasn't his job to be fit. That sort of thing was down to people like Dorough, that's what he paid them for.

Nevertheless, he was determined to put as much distance as possible between his precious royal personage and the monster back there. It wasn't easy. The jungle sought to impede him at every step, lashing thorns across his face, and twining creepers around his ankles.

Then, up ahead, through a break in the undergrowth, he saw a smooth green swathe. Jubilantly, he made towards it. If he could just get away from these damn plants, he'd be able to make some real progress. And that sleek, grassy piece of land would be just perfect for running on. It reminded him of the closely-trimmed lawns back in the castle gardens.

He didn't realise his mistake until he was almost out into the middle of the innocuous-looking green sward, and his boots began to sink. Struggling futilely, he tried to pull himself free, only to find that he only sank deeper and deeper, until he was up to his knees into the fine, granular sediment that lay beneath the thin layer of grass. Too late, it dawned on him that he'd just blundered right into a patch of quicksand.

“Help!” he bellowed, still wrestling against the relentless downward suck of the liquefied soil. “For the love of all the gods, someone save me!”

---

"Grab the princess!" Cai yelled to Pretty before, in what could only be described as a rodeo clown's worst nightmare, Porky Kong howled in frustration and beat the ground twice before launching itself through the woods in attempt to shake the still riding mercenary free.

Pretty couldn't help rolling her eyes at that. Cai seemed to be having all the fun with the big monster, while she got stuck rounding up the other surly little beast. Still, she supposed someone had to do it. Backflipping down from the tree branches, she left Cai to his sport, and stalked away through the jungle, in the direction the Prince had taken. It wasn't exactly difficult to track him. The idiot had left a trail a mile wide.

Eventually, she came to the edge of the swampy green patch and paused. Xoannon was flailing about in the middle, like a floundering hippo, screaming his lungs out.

“Get me out!” he screeched when he saw her. “It's quicksand! What are you standing there for? Get a rope!”

Pretty's brows came together in a frown, as she carefully surveyed the immediate area. “A rope? Whatever for?”

With a sigh of exasperation, she began to walk towards him.

“NO!” he cried, as he sank even lower, the quicksand burying him almost to his neck now. “Are you mad?  You can't walk there! You'll sink!”

However, Pretty showed no sign of sinking at all. In her wake, left on the scummy green surface, were small, delicate bootprints, the only trace that she had passed by. Ignoring his increasingly desperate shouts, she walked all the way up to him, the soles of her boots barely even damp.

“I am a Word Lord,” she said impassively. “We do not sink.” Leaning over, she grabbed him inelegantly by the scruff of his neck, and with her preternatural strength, hauled him out of the sticky, clinging sediment. He dangled like a doll from her grasp, wet and thoroughly miserable.

“You really are very stupid,” she added in a matter-of-fact voice, beginning to retrace her steps back the way she had come. “Even for a matter creature.”

[Cai Dorough]

Cai bounced and his teeth rattled as the creature rampaged through the forest, tearing up trees from their roots and attempting to swat the mercenary hitchhiker from its back. It roared in anger and annoyance, rolling over on its back and up again. Cai did his best to hold on to his perch but he was slowly losing his grip on the monster's fur. The dirt being routed beneath the monster's claws flew in sheets and rained down on them, stinging Cai's eyes. The sound of rushing water seemed to be getting closer as the rampage continued.

With a defiant howl, the beast rolled over once more, knocking the air from the mercenary's lungs. It lifted its shoulders and slammed back down again, finally successfully dislodging Cai from around its neck and shoulders.

Cai felt a rip crack as he was slammed into the ground, but he forced himself to suck in a deep breath despite the pain. He rolled backwards, feet over head, to avoid the creature from flattening him with its next slam. Heat flared in his abdomen as he came up to his feet.

"You know something, Smelly Kong, you're not being a very gracious host." Cai pulled his gun and shot three rounds into the Kong's chest, though the bullets only seemed to anger it. Kong touched its chest, saw the blood on his fur, and roared violently. Cai smirked as he pulled Furor from its sheathe and prepared himself. The blade hummed with noetic energy.

Smelly Kong lunged at the mercenary, but Cai rolled under its grasp and slashed a wicked gash into it's side. Coming up behind the beast, he whirled and sliced again into Kong's hind leg, sending the creature stumbling. Cai jumped onto its stomach and rose his sword to plunge it into its chest, but before he could deliver the final blow a massive claws hand gripped him around the chest. The mercenary tried to pry himself free but his strength was no comparison to Kong's, and his already broken rib was searing hot with the added pressure.

"Say here, Mr. Smelly, sir," Cai wheezed, "could you put me down and get a different snack? Might I suggest Fay Wray?" The creature roared and slammed him into the ground, making him lose his grip on Furor. "How about some beef jerky?" Slam. "Jelly beans?" Slam. "Urkg-- I really didn't need that lung, its cool."

Laying on the ground, aching and bruised, Cai's most prevalent thought was just how much he hated the prince. His anger and disdain boiled inside as Kong dragged the mercenary through the dirt by his leg. The sound of water grew louder and louder until they breached the trees Kong set him down on the bank of a river, trudging to the edge itself to lap water with a very canine sense of decorum.

"I don't like this place," Cai murmured, struggling to catch his breath. "Especially you, Smelly. You suck big time." Where the hell did Pretty get off to?

[Pretty Poison]

Cai really had been having some fun, Pretty reflected a bit grumpily, as she towed the limp and gasping Prince back to the place she had last seen her friend. The surrounding vegetation showed signs of a massive struggle. Entire sections of undergrowth had been crushed by the migoi's enormous feet, and some of the smaller trees had even been torn up by the roots.

A little further on, she found blood, splashed liberally around. Too much blood, she thought, to be Cai's. Releasing the Prince, she knelt and dipping her fingers in the red fluid, sniffing at it. No, it was definitely animal blood, she concluded with some relief. Cai had obviously been busy with Furor.

“Look,” the Prince's shaky voice broke through her concentration. “His sword. Is he dead?”

Turning, she saw Xoannon across the other side of the clearing, leaning over a long, slender shape on the ground, his hand reaching for the hilt. With a chill, she realised it was Furor.

“Do not touch it!” she cried. In the blink of an eye, she dematerialised, before reappearing right beside the Prince, her boot kicking out at his hand. Shrieking in pain, he fell backwards into a prickly bush, clutching at his bruised fingers.

“Are you crazy?” he screamed, glaring at her in disbelief and indignation. “You nearly broke my hand!”

“Better for you that I broke your neck, than permit you to touch that sword!” she retorted. “Furor is not as other weapons. It belongs only to Cai. One brush from your hand, and it would have burned away your mind... what little there is of it!”

Xoannon, suddenly realising how close he had come to disaster, turned a peculiar green colour. “I... I don't feel so well.”

Pretty shook her head in disgust. “I do not know why any people should want such a one as you for their king.” Leaning over him, she grasped him by the collar of his robes again. “Come. We must find out what has happened to Cai. We will leave Furor here for him to claim when he returns.”

Because he would return.  She had to believe that.  Finding Furor like this wasn't a good sign.  But it wasn't conclusive either.  Cai was the most resilient matter creature she had ever met.  She refused to accept that he could be dead.

Dragging and half-carrying the fainting Prince, she strode away again, following the trail of destruction through the jungle. She could hear the sound of swiftly-running water, getting closer and closer, as she continued to trek determinedly onwards. At last, they emerged from the fringes of the trees on to a sandy shore. A wide river stretched in front of her, beautifully clear water rushing past at an incredible speed, heading – or so she guessed from the sound – for a large waterfall not too far away.

The migoi was standing in the shallows, busily guzzling what seemed like gallons of water. Cai was lying on his back on the sand, not too far from the edge of the jungle. He was not dead... thankfully, Pretty caught the tail end of his characteristic grumbling as she emerged from the undergrowth... but he looked somewhat worse for wear. Knowing him as she did, she presumed his mood would match his condition.

Moving as silently as a cat, she slipped across to his side, depositing the Prince in the sand beside him with a soft thump, like a sack of potatoes, before crouching down to speak softly to him.

“I have returned with the Prince, as worthless as he is. Are you badly injured, Cai?”

As she waited for him to answer her question, she was surprised at the unfamiliar depth of the concern she felt.

[Cai Dorough]

Moving as silently as a cat, she slipped across to his side, depositing the Prince in the sand beside him with a soft thump, like a sack of potatoes, before crouching down to speak softly to him.

“I have returned with the Prince, as worthless as he is. Are you badly injured, Cai?”

As she waited for him to answer her question, she was surprised at the unfamiliar depth of the concern she felt.

"Oh, hey, you know," he sputtered, coughing up a bit of blood, "its like a stroll the park. With muggers. And wild animals. And very, very big baseball bats. Look, I made a new friend." Kong was still too busy by the water to pay him any heed. The beast had finished trying to drink the river dry and was now rooting around in the soft sand on the banks, digging for who-knew-what. "I think he likes me."

Somewhere off in the distance, a roar echoed up through the trees. Kong lifted his head and sniffed twice before answering with his own howl and slamming his massive fists into the sand repeatedly. Again, the distant call sounded. Was it closer that time? It was hard to tell as Cai thought one of his ear drums was perforated.

"Do you think mom will let me keep him? I'll take real good care of him and I promise not to use him to eat the neighbor kids for stealing my animal crackers. Well, maybe one of them, so the rest may see the severity of their crimes!"

Kong looked around and grunted, noticing the new arrivals by his prey. The beast growled and bared its rather large fangs. Cai smiled, his teeth coated red with his blood. "Hey there, buddy. Wanna go for a walk? I'll let you poop in Susy's shoes if you're a good boy!"

Kong did not seem to be in a mood to go anywhere until he was fed.

"Oh well, can't say I didn't offer. Pretty, out of the kindness of my heart and the shatteredness of my femurs, I'm going to let you have this one. You're welcome."

[Pretty Poison]

Blood from the lungs was not a good sign, Pretty knew that much about matter creatures. But she also knew Cai had an extraordinary ability to heal, so she hoped that whatever internal damage he had suffered would not last long.

She lifted her head, listening intently as the bestial howl echoed across the leafy canopy of the jungle, only to be answered by the creature at the riverside.

"Do you think mom will let me keep him? I'll take real good care of him and I promise not to use him to eat the neighbor kids for stealing my animal crackers. Well, maybe one of them, so the rest may see the severity of their crimes!"

"I cannot vouch for the intentions of your maternal unit,” she replied, climbing lightly back to her feet. “But I think this creature has a mate, and she is heading this way.”

Kong looked around and grunted, noticing the new arrivals by his prey. The beast growled and bared its rather large fangs.

Pretty snarled back, revealing her own white, pointed incisors. She took several steps forward, her boots crunching on the sand, positioning herself between the migoi and the fallen mercenary.

Cai smiled, his teeth coated red with his blood. "Hey there, buddy. Wanna go for a walk? I'll let you poop in Susy's shoes if you're a good boy!"

Kong did not seem to be in a mood to go anywhere until he was fed.

Pretty glanced back over her shoulder at Cai. It was not considered good manners among Word Lords to intervene in someone else's fight. However, just at the moment, the mercenary was clearly in no condition to answer the creature's challenge.

"Oh well, can't say I didn't offer,” Cai quipped. His voice was as nonchalant as ever, despite the pain that pinched his features and left his face drawn and ashen. “Pretty, out of the kindness of my heart and the shatteredness of my femurs, I'm going to let you have this one. You're welcome."

Given the permission that she required, her face lit up in a savage smile. “I thank you.  And I will not let you down, Cai.”

With that, she began to run towards the migoi, so swiftly and lightly that her feet barely seemed to touch the ground. For a moment, the beast seemed to be confused. In its experience, prey tended to run away from it, not towards it. And this one had no scent. It snuffled desperately at the breeze, which was blowing towards it, and therefore should have revealed all it needed to know about the oddly-behaving female. However, there was nothing. Just the usual jungle smells, plus the scent of the two males further up the beach, one smelling of blood, the other of rancid fear-sweat. Baffled, the migoi let out an indignant roar and swiped at the Word Lady with an enormous arm.

Pretty, however, was already gone. In a flash of light, she reappeared on the other side of the beast, causing it to whirl around in fury. Again, it lunged at her, and again she vanished, only to rematerialise in a different spot on the river bank.

“You are too slow,” she taunted, her crystal blue eyes glittering as she looked up into the migoi's hairy face. “Do you not wish to eat me?”

The only answer was a massive fist, crashing down from above, impacting with a hollow thud on the sand where she had been standing. The beast was getting more and more frustrated, as she continued to play with it, like a cat might play with a mouse. Its attacks were frenzied and violent, mere reactions, lashing out at her in unthinking rage. It rampaged across the shore, tearing up the sand, snatching at trees and bushes, but it couldn't lay a finger on her. And every time it howled, its call was answered in the distance with an identical roar, coming closer and closer.

In the end, with her characteristically short attention span, Pretty tired of the game. Taking advantage of the creature's disorientation, she gave a single deft hand-spring and vaulted up on to its back. Instantly, before it could snatch at her, she put one slender, white hand on each side of the massive, hairy head, tightening her grip like a vice - and then wrenched it around with all her preternatural strength. A sharp, almost deafening crack echoed across the beach, the sound of the monster's spine shattering at the base of its neck.

For one, fraught moment, it just stood there, frozen in death, wavering back and forth, like a massive tree swaying in the wind. Pretty somersaulted away, landing lithely on her feet a safe distance along the shore. Then, as she watched, the beast fell, toppling into the river with a tremendous splash, water fountaining high into the air from the impact. Limp and lifeless, the body resurfaced and floated away, idly at first, but then more rapidly as the current caught it, spinning through the wickedly-fast eddies, heading for the waterfall.

Uninterested in its eventual fate now that it was dead, Pretty turned her back on the river, and strode up the beach towards Cai and the Prince. However, before she reached them, her progress was interrupted by the sound of a single pair of hands clapping, slowly and deliberately.  It wasn't coming from Cai, or from the still-fainting Prince.  Pretty spun around, searching for the source of the unexpected applause.

On the edge of the jungle, almost perfectly camouflaged by the fringe of vegetation, stood a man, dressed all in black. He wore a dark hood and a mask concealed his features. He carried a high-powered crossbow in his hands.

“Oh, very well done,” he spoke up mockingly, his voice a pleasant baritone. “I really was hoping the beast would save me the trouble of killing the three of you. But it seems I must earn my pay after all.”